Thought for Today
Do not pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger men.
Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, pray for powers equal to your tasks.
Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle . . . but you should be the miracle.
Phillip Brooks
Suggested Reading
Book: Running Barefoot
Author: Amy Harmon
This is a brilliant and beautifully-written novel that I am sure I will be reading again, as well as Amy Harmon's other works.
About the book
When Josie Jensen, an awkward 13-year-old musical prodigy crashes
headlong into new-comer Samuel Yazzie, an 18-year-old Navajo boy full of
anger and confusion, an unlikely friendship blooms. Josie teaches
Samuel about words, music and friendship, and along the way finds a
kindred spirit. Upon graduation, Samuel abandons the sleepy, small town
in search of a future and a life, leaving his young mentor behind. Many
years go by and Samuel returns, finding his old friend in need of the
very things she offered him years before. Their roles reversed, Samuel
teaches Josie about life, love, and letting go. Deeply romantic and
poignant, Running Barefoot is the story of a small town girl and a
Native American boy, the ties that bind them to their homes and
families, and the love that gives them wings.
About the Author
Amy Harmon knew at an early age that writing was something she wanted to
do, and she divided her time between writing songs and stories as she
grew. Having grown up in the middle of wheat fields without a
television, with only her books and her siblings to entertain her, she
developed a strong sense of what made a good story. Amy Harmon has been
a motivational speaker, a grade school teacher, a junior high teacher, a
home school mom, and a member of the Grammy Award winning Saints
Unified Voices Choir, directed by Gladys Knight. She released a
Christian Blues CD in 2007 called "What I Know" - also available on
Amazon and wherever digital music is sold. She has written three novels,
"Running Barefoot," "Slow Dance in Purgatory," and the brand new
sequel, "Prom Night in Purgatory." For updates on upcoming book
releases, author posts and more, visit Amy's fan page at
www.authoramyharmon.com.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Something Special Brewing!!!
This past while I have been crazy busy working on multiple projects, including a non-fictional novel based on the tragic and miraculous life of a dear friend, which is pretty much taking precedence over the others. But for fans of Against the Odds and the sequel novelette Still His Woman, the final chapter of the Against the Odds saga is coming in January. Forever will wrap up the story of the McKade family. I know, I know, it is both a happy and sad occasion. I'm sad to say goodbye to the McKades, but I am excited to be able to share this final book with my fans. Next week I will be posting an excerpt, but until then, here is the cover! This is definitely one of my favorites:-)
Monday, November 5, 2012
Owning Your Voice
Thought for Today
"Believe in yourself and in your own voice, because there will be
times in this business when you will be the only one who does. Take
heart from the knowledge that an author with a strong voice will
often have trouble at the start of his or her career because strong,
distinctive voices sometimes make editors nervous. But in the end,
only the strong survive." - Jayne Ann Krentz
times in this business when you will be the only one who does. Take
heart from the knowledge that an author with a strong voice will
often have trouble at the start of his or her career because strong,
distinctive voices sometimes make editors nervous. But in the end,
only the strong survive." - Jayne Ann Krentz
In other words (from The Book According to Jewel) find your voice, develop it, believe in it, and never forsake it no matter what anyone else thinks or says. Because it's your voice, not theirs!
Suggested Reading
Book: Saving Savanna
Author: Sara Fitzgerald
Blurb
Devan can’t help but blame God for his wife’s death, so the
last thing he wants to do this holiday season is celebrate. But when his daughter, Savanna, makes a
special Christmas wish, their little family will never be the same. Filled with faith and tenderness, this
heartwarming story is sure to remind you of the real power behind the magic of
Christmas.
Excerpt
The wind whistled down the avenues
that cold
December night as Devan Smith
trudged across
the murky, slush-filled street
with his little
girl, Savanna, by his side. The street’s curbs
were covered
with dirty piles of snow from yesterday’s
storm. The
blackened snow reminded him of how dark
his soul felt
without Vivian.
“Look, Daddy,”
Savanna said, tugging on his sleeve.
“Look at all
those shining lights. Mommy would love to
see them. Do you
think she can?”
Devan glanced
down at her tiny face dominated by
big, innocent
eyes that were the same shade of blue as
her mother’s. He
paused for a moment, deciding what to
tell her. She
looked at him with such divine trust, a trust
unlike any he
had ever experienced, except the trust his
wife had in him.
He had failed Vivian.
“Daddy? Can
Mommy see the lights?”
He bit his lower
lip and stooped by her. He fought
back the lump
forming in his throat. He wished that she
would stop
talking about Mommy. Each time, no matter
how much he
thought he was prepared for the subject, the
pain threatened
to destroy his soul.
S a r a F i t z g e r
a l d
2
He inhaled
deeply and then slowly exhaled. Fog circled
around Savanna’s
head; for a split second she looked
like an angel as
the cold from his breath danced around
her brown curls.
She was waiting
for him to tell her everything was
going to be all
right, that Mommy was in heaven looking
down at them,
but how could he? He no longer believed
in heaven and
hell. No loving God would have allowed
what had
happened to Vivian to take place. Devan
couldn’t let
Savanna become disillusioned.
Savanna placed
her arms around his neck. “Grandpa
says she’s in
heaven watching out for us.”
He swallowed and
then changed the subject. “We’d
better go
shopping, or else we won’t be done before
Christmas. We
only have three days left until Santa comes
down our
chimney. What do you want him to bring
you?”
“There’s only
one thing I want from him,” she whispered,
leaning toward
him.
He forced a
smile. “And what’s that?”
“I want Mommy
back.”
Tears blurred
his vision. He wanted her mommy back
too, more than
anything in the world, but not even Santa
Claus could do
that. Vivian was dead, buried in a cold
cemetery with
only the snowfall as her blanket against the
storms of
winter.
“A story of shattered faith touchingly restored by a little
child and a reminder that, through the Atonement, love surpasses even the
grave. Sara Fitzgerald’s Saving Savanna
will bring tender tears to your eyes.”
Joyce DiPastena, author of Dangerous Favor
Bio
Sara Fitzgerald
was named the 2006 Writer
of the Year for
the League of Utah Writers. She
lives with her
husband and daughter in Salt Lake
City. She loves
the Christmas season.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Oodles of Short Stories!!!
I love good short stories. I love reading them and writing them. A Timeless Romance: Winter Anthology is a book of short stories by some of my favorite sweet romance authors, and it is easily one of my favorite books every story made me smile. If you like short, well-rounded romance stories, this is the book for you, and there is something for everyone:-)
About the Book
Six Award-Winning Authors have contributed brand new stories to A Timeless Romance Anthology: Winter Collection. A collection unlike any other, readers will love this compilation of six sweet historical romance novellas, set in varying eras, yet all with one thing in common: Romance.
The Road to Cavan Town by Sarah M. Eden, set in 1864 Ireland, combines Eden’s sense of humor with her signature sweet romance. Alice Wheatley walks each weekend into town, accompanied by Isaac Dancy. And while Alice finds herself falling in love with the gentleman, unfortunately he has his eyes set on the belle of the town, Miss Sophia Kilchrest. Alice must find a way to turn Isaac’s eyes toward her.
Regency author Heidi Ashworth’s delightful story, It Happened Twelfth Night, set in England 1812, follows Luisa Darlington who discovers the man of her dreams, Percy Brooksby, isn’t in love with her as much as she thought he was. When Percy’s friend, the mysterious foreigner, Mr. Flynn, visits for the twelfth night holiday, he promptly sweeps Luisa off her feet, quite literally. Luisa is left catching her breath in more ways than one.
An Unexpected Proposal by Annette Lyon is a captivating romantic novella, set in remote Wood Camp, the snowy canyon of Logan, Utah, 1880. When Caroline Simpson is forced to thwart the aggressive advances of Mr. Butch Larson, she discovers that her long-time friend, James, has genuine affection for her. But as stubborn as Caroline is, she minimizes the feelings he’s awakened in her, and it takes almost losing James to admit her true feelings for him.
In Joyce DiPastena’s charming medieval story, Caroles on the Green, we enter England of 1151, in which Lady Isabel has a dilemma. She promises herself that she’ll marry the man who sent a ring hidden in her pastry since the man she truly loves, Sir Lucian de Warrene, has proved to be impossible and exasperating. To forget him, Isabel sets her eyes on other eligible men, only to face another confrontation with Lucian—who isn’t about to back off and leave her to her newest plot.
Donna Hatch’s enchanting novella, A Winter’s Knight, begins when Clarissa Fairchild’s coach just happens to break down in front of the most forbidding estate in the county, that of Wyckburg Castle, a place where young brides have been murdered for generations by their husbands. Clarissa is horrified yet curious all in the same breath. When she meets widower Christopher de Champs, Earl of Wyckburg, she must decide if she should flee or uncover the greatest secret in the county about her handsome rescuer.
In Heather B. Moore’s exciting turn-of-the-century story, A Fortunate Exile, Lila Townsend finds herself the victim of a broken heart—broken by the most notorious bachelor in 1901 New York City. If that isn’t bad enough, her father sends her to Aunt Eugenia’s remote farm where Lila must wait for her father’s anger to subside and the gossip columns to find new fodder. When Lila meets her aunt’s boarder, Peter Weathers, she discovers a man who isn’t afraid to stand up to her formidable family and take a chance on a woman with a sullied reputation.
Order your copy of A Timeless Romance Anthology from Amazon.com
About the Book
Six Award-Winning Authors have contributed brand new stories to A Timeless Romance Anthology: Winter Collection. A collection unlike any other, readers will love this compilation of six sweet historical romance novellas, set in varying eras, yet all with one thing in common: Romance.
The Road to Cavan Town by Sarah M. Eden, set in 1864 Ireland, combines Eden’s sense of humor with her signature sweet romance. Alice Wheatley walks each weekend into town, accompanied by Isaac Dancy. And while Alice finds herself falling in love with the gentleman, unfortunately he has his eyes set on the belle of the town, Miss Sophia Kilchrest. Alice must find a way to turn Isaac’s eyes toward her.
Regency author Heidi Ashworth’s delightful story, It Happened Twelfth Night, set in England 1812, follows Luisa Darlington who discovers the man of her dreams, Percy Brooksby, isn’t in love with her as much as she thought he was. When Percy’s friend, the mysterious foreigner, Mr. Flynn, visits for the twelfth night holiday, he promptly sweeps Luisa off her feet, quite literally. Luisa is left catching her breath in more ways than one.
An Unexpected Proposal by Annette Lyon is a captivating romantic novella, set in remote Wood Camp, the snowy canyon of Logan, Utah, 1880. When Caroline Simpson is forced to thwart the aggressive advances of Mr. Butch Larson, she discovers that her long-time friend, James, has genuine affection for her. But as stubborn as Caroline is, she minimizes the feelings he’s awakened in her, and it takes almost losing James to admit her true feelings for him.
In Joyce DiPastena’s charming medieval story, Caroles on the Green, we enter England of 1151, in which Lady Isabel has a dilemma. She promises herself that she’ll marry the man who sent a ring hidden in her pastry since the man she truly loves, Sir Lucian de Warrene, has proved to be impossible and exasperating. To forget him, Isabel sets her eyes on other eligible men, only to face another confrontation with Lucian—who isn’t about to back off and leave her to her newest plot.
Donna Hatch’s enchanting novella, A Winter’s Knight, begins when Clarissa Fairchild’s coach just happens to break down in front of the most forbidding estate in the county, that of Wyckburg Castle, a place where young brides have been murdered for generations by their husbands. Clarissa is horrified yet curious all in the same breath. When she meets widower Christopher de Champs, Earl of Wyckburg, she must decide if she should flee or uncover the greatest secret in the county about her handsome rescuer.
In Heather B. Moore’s exciting turn-of-the-century story, A Fortunate Exile, Lila Townsend finds herself the victim of a broken heart—broken by the most notorious bachelor in 1901 New York City. If that isn’t bad enough, her father sends her to Aunt Eugenia’s remote farm where Lila must wait for her father’s anger to subside and the gossip columns to find new fodder. When Lila meets her aunt’s boarder, Peter Weathers, she discovers a man who isn’t afraid to stand up to her formidable family and take a chance on a woman with a sullied reputation.
Order your copy of A Timeless Romance Anthology from Amazon.com
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Everyone Can Use Some Faith, Hope and Gravity
If you are looking for an uplifting teen adventure that teaches memorable lessons in overcoming adversity and recognizing gifts when they come, Faith, Hope and Gravity by Shirley Bahlmann and Merrill Osmond is a good one.
About the book
Faith, Hope and Gravity” is the spiritual, magical adventure of teenage Liam Kane as he discovers some of the same lessons Merrill Osmond learned as the world-traveling lead singer of the Osmond Brothers. Like Merrill, Liam is often misunderstood as he helps those seeking for purpose in their extraordinary talents. Liam’s visionary abilities gain him international notoriety as “The Prophecy Boy” who swims with dolphins, dreams of a mysterious red door, and champions those who are often misjudged for their uncommon gifts. Surviving kidnapping, near-drowning, and imprisonment leads to the discovery that despite differences, when people respect each other and their wide variety of abilities, the thread of commonality that runs through mankind grows ever stronger. Turn the pages to join in this unforgettable journey.
Get your copy from Amazon.com
About the Authors
Shirley Bahlmann has written a wide variety of genres, including historical fiction, novels, biographies, how-to, and how-not-to books. One of her favorites is a children’s book titled “When the Chicken Crossed the Road” which comes with instructions and a chicken-colored washcloth so you can roll your own chicken! Shirley finds the most annoying thing about being a prolific writer is sleep, because she’d rather be writing.
Website: http://shirleybahlmann.com/
Blog: http://shirleybahlmann. blogspot.com/
Merrill Osmond is a world-class entertainer, producer, author, motivational speaker and renowned lead singer of the Osmonds. Merrill and his siblings have produced 47 platinum & gold records and Merrill has written the lyrics for five #1 hit records. Merrill is a co-founder of the Osmond Foundation, which originally produced “The Children’s Miracle Network” Telethon. He has produced presidential inaugural events for both Reagan & Bush. Merrill is excited to release his first novel, Faith, Hope & Gravity.
Website: www.merrillosmond.com
https://www.facebook.com/ merrilldavisosmond
About the book
Faith, Hope and Gravity” is the spiritual, magical adventure of teenage Liam Kane as he discovers some of the same lessons Merrill Osmond learned as the world-traveling lead singer of the Osmond Brothers. Like Merrill, Liam is often misunderstood as he helps those seeking for purpose in their extraordinary talents. Liam’s visionary abilities gain him international notoriety as “The Prophecy Boy” who swims with dolphins, dreams of a mysterious red door, and champions those who are often misjudged for their uncommon gifts. Surviving kidnapping, near-drowning, and imprisonment leads to the discovery that despite differences, when people respect each other and their wide variety of abilities, the thread of commonality that runs through mankind grows ever stronger. Turn the pages to join in this unforgettable journey.
Get your copy from Amazon.com
About the Authors
Shirley Bahlmann has written a wide variety of genres, including historical fiction, novels, biographies, how-to, and how-not-to books. One of her favorites is a children’s book titled “When the Chicken Crossed the Road” which comes with instructions and a chicken-colored washcloth so you can roll your own chicken! Shirley finds the most annoying thing about being a prolific writer is sleep, because she’d rather be writing.
Website: http://shirleybahlmann.com/
Blog: http://shirleybahlmann.
Merrill Osmond is a world-class entertainer, producer, author, motivational speaker and renowned lead singer of the Osmonds. Merrill and his siblings have produced 47 platinum & gold records and Merrill has written the lyrics for five #1 hit records. Merrill is a co-founder of the Osmond Foundation, which originally produced “The Children’s Miracle Network” Telethon. He has produced presidential inaugural events for both Reagan & Bush. Merrill is excited to release his first novel, Faith, Hope & Gravity.
Website: www.merrillosmond.com
https://www.facebook.com/
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Romantic Thoughts From the Mind of Nicholas Sparks
Ahhhh, lamor! Here are some romantic quotes from a brilliant writer:-)
"Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else."
Suggested Reading
Book: Divergent
Author: Veronica Roth
About the book
In Beatrice Prior’s dystopian Chicago world, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can’t have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.
During the highly competitive initiation that follows, Beatrice renames herself Tris and struggles alongside her fellow initiates to live out the choice they have made. Together they must undergo extreme physical tests of endurance and intense psychological simulations, some with devastating consequences. As initiation transforms them all, Tris must determine who her friends really are—and where, exactly, a romance with a sometimes fascinating, sometimes exasperating boy fits into the life she's chosen. But Tris also has a secret, one she's kept hidden from everyone because she's been warned it can mean death. And as she discovers unrest and growing conflict that threaten to unravel her seemingly perfect society, she also learns that her secret might help her save those she loves . . . or it might destroy her.
"Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else."
“My life? It isn't easy to explain. It has not been the rip-roaring spectacular I fancied it would be, but neither have I burrowed with the gophers. I suppose it has most resembled the blue chip stock; fairly stable, more ups than downs, and gradually trending upward over time. A good buy, a lucky buy and I've learned that not everyone can say this about their lives. But do not be misled. I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten, but I have loved someone with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.”
“Loving once and only once is possible-anything is possible.”
"I think that men know how to romance a woman and most do it well, at least for a time, otherwise women wouldn't marry them. The problem is that most of them begin to rest on their laurels."
"The first thing I did when I sold my book was buy a new wedding ring for my wife and asked her to marry me all over again."
Suggested Reading
Book: Divergent
Author: Veronica Roth
About the book
In Beatrice Prior’s dystopian Chicago world, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can’t have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.
During the highly competitive initiation that follows, Beatrice renames herself Tris and struggles alongside her fellow initiates to live out the choice they have made. Together they must undergo extreme physical tests of endurance and intense psychological simulations, some with devastating consequences. As initiation transforms them all, Tris must determine who her friends really are—and where, exactly, a romance with a sometimes fascinating, sometimes exasperating boy fits into the life she's chosen. But Tris also has a secret, one she's kept hidden from everyone because she's been warned it can mean death. And as she discovers unrest and growing conflict that threaten to unravel her seemingly perfect society, she also learns that her secret might help her save those she loves . . . or it might destroy her.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
The Legacy Gains a Whole New Legion of Fans!!!
When I wrote The Legacy, I had no idea how many lives the story would touch, and I get teary with each email and fan letter I receive as readers share their thoughts and feelings of how it has affected them, both spiritually and emotionally.
About the book
North Carolina native, Cisely Matthews has seen and suffered much in her twenty-two years of life, and she has the scars to prove it. When amazing blessings come to her, she wonders if she will ever feel worthy enough to deserve them. Australian-born Ingo Kelly is thrown for an emotional loop when he visits his aunt in Utah and meets Cisely for the first time. He falls for her hard and fast. But getting her to accept his love is a challenge he is more than willing to take on. Adagio St. John is Ingo's best friend and the two are as close as brothers. When Adagio travels to Utah from his home in Italy to attend Ingo and Cisely's wedding, he is overjoyed that his friend has found happiness with such an amazing woman. He hopes he can find the same happiness one day and end the loneliness he struggles with on a daily basis. There are prospects aplenty, but none of the shallow beauties can capture his heart. When love does finally come to Adagio, will he allow himself to embrace it or continue to go it alone?
Excerpt
From the age of six to twelve years old, when other children were laughing and playing and sharing secrets with their friends, I was a woman-child, barely surviving and telling my secrets to no one. In the afternoons after school when I should have been busy at the business of being a child, I was subjected to the screams of my mother as my father beat her. And at night while other children were safely tucked in their beds and sleeping, I was forced to endure the sickening presence of my father in my room as he abused and defiled me.
One day my mother finally found the courage to leave her husband. She packed our things while he was at work and we moved from Charlotte back to her hometown of Asheville. Unfortunately, it was too little, too late, for my life had been permanently scarred. And it didn’t help that every man who came into our home and lived with my mother seemed to think I should be part of the deal. Throughout my whole life I felt dirty and cheap, but more than anything, I felt alone. There was no one I could turn to and share my painful burdens. Later in life, that loneliness guided me to make decisions that only added to my misery and brought even more shame upon me.
A single tear slips down my cheek as I painfully remember the days and nights of endless partying, each one filled with drugs, alcohol, and sometimes immoral conduct. When I was younger, my father made it his solemn duty to tell me repeatedly that I was worthless and only good for one thing in life. It seemed his comments found a permanent place in both my mind and my heart. My father had foreseen my future and had helped as much as he could to make that future happen. But I know in the end, the choices had been my own, just as the choice to finally change my life had been.
I smile, melancholy coming over me as I remember the day I made the decision to abandon the self-destructive lifestyle. It was a little over a year ago. I had just gotten home from work. I was tired, my feet were sore after working all day waiting on table after table, and I was looking forward to a tall can of beer and some rest. I had just sat down when there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door to the braid-wearing teenage girl donning heavy makeup, a dirty mini skirt, and scuffed up high heels–one of them broken, my first words were, “Sorry, no customers at this house.”
She gave me a teary smile and replied, “I'm not looking for a customer . . . I'm looking for a way out.”
Tears slip down my cheeks as I remember how my heart had instantly gone out to her. I knew the life she'd lived and what she'd suffered before reaching this point in her life. I didn't know her, had never seen her before, but I knew, because I had been there, myself. I invited her in and listened as she talked, my suspicions about her abusive childhood confirmed. I fed her and gave her some clothes to change into. Taking the tips I'd made that day from my purse, I called a cab, took her to the bus station, and put her on a bus to Raleigh to go and live with her aunt. Arriving back home, I sat on the sofa, closed my eyes and cried. Nothing I'd ever done in my life left me feeling as much peace as that one act had.
I immediately threw away every bit of alcohol in the apartment, vowing to never take another drink, pop another pill, or smoke another joint for the rest of my life. I stopped partying and made a commitment to change my life. I was determined to do this, despite family members and friends telling me I would never change. Sadly, I had no support from anyone except the counselor assigned to me when I enrolled in a free substance abuse program. No one in my family, nor the people I associated with, would let go of the past. So how was I supposed to? I couldn’t escape it because it surrounded me and was constantly being thrown back in my face.
Even now, I still struggle with doubts. I've listened to several motivational talks on learning to forgive oneself, letting go of past mistakes and moving on, but the messages never seem to stick, and in my heart I continue to feel unworthy, too unworthy to deserve more in life. We reap what we sow, as they say. I haven't sown enough good.
If you haven't read The Legacy yet, log onto Amazon.com and get your copy on Kindle for .99. Once you purchase The Legacy, leave a comment on Amazon, then email me at jewela40@gmail.com and I will send you the ebook, That Kind of Love - A Legacy Novelette free! Now that's too sweet a deal to pass up:-)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Legacy-ebook/dp/B00585FU9S/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1347726524&sr=8-1
About the book
North Carolina native, Cisely Matthews has seen and suffered much in her twenty-two years of life, and she has the scars to prove it. When amazing blessings come to her, she wonders if she will ever feel worthy enough to deserve them. Australian-born Ingo Kelly is thrown for an emotional loop when he visits his aunt in Utah and meets Cisely for the first time. He falls for her hard and fast. But getting her to accept his love is a challenge he is more than willing to take on. Adagio St. John is Ingo's best friend and the two are as close as brothers. When Adagio travels to Utah from his home in Italy to attend Ingo and Cisely's wedding, he is overjoyed that his friend has found happiness with such an amazing woman. He hopes he can find the same happiness one day and end the loneliness he struggles with on a daily basis. There are prospects aplenty, but none of the shallow beauties can capture his heart. When love does finally come to Adagio, will he allow himself to embrace it or continue to go it alone?
Excerpt
From the age of six to twelve years old, when other children were laughing and playing and sharing secrets with their friends, I was a woman-child, barely surviving and telling my secrets to no one. In the afternoons after school when I should have been busy at the business of being a child, I was subjected to the screams of my mother as my father beat her. And at night while other children were safely tucked in their beds and sleeping, I was forced to endure the sickening presence of my father in my room as he abused and defiled me.
One day my mother finally found the courage to leave her husband. She packed our things while he was at work and we moved from Charlotte back to her hometown of Asheville. Unfortunately, it was too little, too late, for my life had been permanently scarred. And it didn’t help that every man who came into our home and lived with my mother seemed to think I should be part of the deal. Throughout my whole life I felt dirty and cheap, but more than anything, I felt alone. There was no one I could turn to and share my painful burdens. Later in life, that loneliness guided me to make decisions that only added to my misery and brought even more shame upon me.
A single tear slips down my cheek as I painfully remember the days and nights of endless partying, each one filled with drugs, alcohol, and sometimes immoral conduct. When I was younger, my father made it his solemn duty to tell me repeatedly that I was worthless and only good for one thing in life. It seemed his comments found a permanent place in both my mind and my heart. My father had foreseen my future and had helped as much as he could to make that future happen. But I know in the end, the choices had been my own, just as the choice to finally change my life had been.
I smile, melancholy coming over me as I remember the day I made the decision to abandon the self-destructive lifestyle. It was a little over a year ago. I had just gotten home from work. I was tired, my feet were sore after working all day waiting on table after table, and I was looking forward to a tall can of beer and some rest. I had just sat down when there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door to the braid-wearing teenage girl donning heavy makeup, a dirty mini skirt, and scuffed up high heels–one of them broken, my first words were, “Sorry, no customers at this house.”
She gave me a teary smile and replied, “I'm not looking for a customer . . . I'm looking for a way out.”
Tears slip down my cheeks as I remember how my heart had instantly gone out to her. I knew the life she'd lived and what she'd suffered before reaching this point in her life. I didn't know her, had never seen her before, but I knew, because I had been there, myself. I invited her in and listened as she talked, my suspicions about her abusive childhood confirmed. I fed her and gave her some clothes to change into. Taking the tips I'd made that day from my purse, I called a cab, took her to the bus station, and put her on a bus to Raleigh to go and live with her aunt. Arriving back home, I sat on the sofa, closed my eyes and cried. Nothing I'd ever done in my life left me feeling as much peace as that one act had.
I immediately threw away every bit of alcohol in the apartment, vowing to never take another drink, pop another pill, or smoke another joint for the rest of my life. I stopped partying and made a commitment to change my life. I was determined to do this, despite family members and friends telling me I would never change. Sadly, I had no support from anyone except the counselor assigned to me when I enrolled in a free substance abuse program. No one in my family, nor the people I associated with, would let go of the past. So how was I supposed to? I couldn’t escape it because it surrounded me and was constantly being thrown back in my face.
Even now, I still struggle with doubts. I've listened to several motivational talks on learning to forgive oneself, letting go of past mistakes and moving on, but the messages never seem to stick, and in my heart I continue to feel unworthy, too unworthy to deserve more in life. We reap what we sow, as they say. I haven't sown enough good.
If you haven't read The Legacy yet, log onto Amazon.com and get your copy on Kindle for .99. Once you purchase The Legacy, leave a comment on Amazon, then email me at jewela40@gmail.com and I will send you the ebook, That Kind of Love - A Legacy Novelette free! Now that's too sweet a deal to pass up:-)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Legacy-ebook/dp/B00585FU9S/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1347726524&sr=8-1
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