Saturday, December 31, 2011

Darkspell By Elizabeth Mueller

Just in case you missed it the first time, today I am re-featuring Darkspell, the young-adult paranormal romance from the beautiful, awesome and talented Elizabeth Mueller.

The Book
Winter Sky believes she is everything ordinary ... until she is kissed by Alex Stormhold. As seer of Stormhold Coven, Alex is sworn to be Winter's protector against the darkness that hunts her. Violently thrust into a magical realm she always thought impossible, she stumbles upon a disturbing secret of her own. Will love prove thicker than magic? Included in this volume are author-created illustrations that bestselling author Ellen C. Maze calls a mind blowing treat. Darkspell is classified as a Young Adult Paranormal Romance that will appeal beyond the genre.

About the Author
Elizabeth Mueller knew that books couldn’t bite, but even though she never admitted, she was scared of them. What she didn’t know, ironically, was that she was building her way toward a career in books. She started writing poetry when she was 9, and stories when she was 11 that make her laugh now. It wasn’t until her creative writing teacher in 12th grade made her realize there was more to writing than life. That’s when she fell in love with books. She hasn’t stopped since, feverishly working to perfect the craft late into the night. She lives with her husband, four kids, a wolfdog, and two cats. Darkspell is her first novel. You can find her at elizabethmueller.blogspot.com or AuthorElizabethMueller.com, and email her at elizabeth.mueller.author@gmail.com

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Heroines Behind the Voices In My Head

Thought for the Day

"Christmas can't be bought from a store... Maybe Christmas means a little bit more." Dr.Seuss

Christmas is almost here! Order your copy of Stories of the Heart - A Christmas Short Story Collection from Amazon.com or JewelAdams.com

Heroine of the Week


Heroine: Elina
Book: Place In This World

Rubbing her lightly covered arms against the frigid cold, Elina trudged through deep drifts of snow, knowing that if she stopped, she would surely freeze to death. She probably would anyway.

Before escaping her captor she had managed to trade her tattered robe for a cotton tunic, leather leggings, and boots that were two sizes two big and had seen better days. The thin shawl she

tightened around her shoulders did nothing to warm her against the fierce winds that blew against her face, burning the cut on her chapped lips and the open wound on her forehead. By rights she shouldn't have felt any pain in the numbing air. She shouldn't have felt anything after hours of exposure.

She kept her head down and continued to walk, her frail body battling against the elements that

assaulted her. She was surrounded by desolation as far as the eye could see. There was absolutely

nowhere to seek shelter or refuge. No mountain crevices, no trees, no bushes, nothing to even lend

the illusion of shelter. The land was flat and void of any life but hers, and the only thing that disturbed the desolate landscape was the sound and sight of a single set of footprints crunching in the thick blanket of snow. Hers. It was one of the bleakest sounds she had ever heard, coming second only to the sound of her captor's footsteps approaching the door of the tower room she had been locked in for the past year.

She escaped and she was free now. But to what end? She didn't know where she was going or what she was going to do, only that she must keep moving. The evil and vile powers that be would not simply let her go. She knew she would be hunted–hunted until she was found, then made to pay for the trouble of having to be captured. And even if she was not found, she was sure she would forever see her captor's face when she slept.

So she would never sleep, at least not for a very long time.

The mass of long, dark, spiraled ringlets she'd hastily braided had now come loose and she futilely tried to keep it out of her face. Not that the view was even worth looking at. Besides, her eyesight was slowly beginning to blur with each exertion-filled step. Each step found her weakening

and her strength waning. A couple of tears fell from her eyes and froze on her cheeks.

I must keep going. Must not . . . stop.

Even as she mentally repeated the commands, she knew she would not make it. At that moment she realized she couldn't take another step. She tried, but she couldn't move. The desolate world around her began to spin and she felt herself falling, with one last coherent thought filtering through the eerie silence of her mind.

My life is at an end . . . and I shall never see the sun again.

She was completely oblivious to the sound of the winged being that gracefully landed next to her in the snow, or the strong arms that enfolded her before taking flight once again.

Place In This World is available on Amazon.com and JewelAdams.com


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Getting to Know Olivia Wilde

In October I attended the Utah Romance Writers of America conference in Park City and signed next to Olivia Wilde, a talented author and a beautiful lady. I enjoyed visiting with her and her mother, who is also an awesome PR person for Olivia:-)
Olivia was kind enough to answer some questions, tell us about her book The Dawn of Silva, and help us to get to know her better.

About the Book
Filmmakers Alex and Shari run into more than a few snags in casting their new movie, Silva. Alex is obsessively determined that only the ethereal Ashlyn can portray the lead, and she cannot be found.

Shari leaves the hustle and bustle of New York City, and travels to the serene beauty of the Cascade Mountains, 3000 miles away - the search is on! Ashlyn's family and estranged lover try to protect her from the fast-thinking Shari's unwanted intrusion.
Ashlyn has found her paradise in the Cascade foothills, to heal the crushing pain of a star-crossed love. She wants solitude and time to heal and contemplate what her future holds.
Shari, in her journey, has found a whole new universe and has met an absolutely dynamic and maybe even diabolical man, whom she immediately hates. She is inexplicably drawn into a relationship that rocks her very foundation.
In the short space of one week, four people's lives converge in an Eden-like setting, to begin an adventure that turns each of their lives upside down.
The Dawn of Silva is the first in a series of Silva novels by Olivia Wilde.


Rita, tell us a little about yourself.

My childhood was a dream. I was raised on a farm in Central Washington, on an Indian Reservation. My dad was a beekeeper and my mom was a stay at home mom, I have a brother, a sister and four foster brothers. My mom and dad took in 'problem teenagers' who were not such problems, mostly misunderstood. We had lots of animals to take care of and lots of chores to do. I started riding horses when I was about 2 or so and then started showing them. Farm life gave me the greatest lessons - discipline, hard work, selfless love, nurturing, joy and loss. Unfortunately animals don't live as long as we do and even though I know that, losing them is always hard. At 14 I started modeling and acting and after high school I moved to Seattle to be closer to my work. I joined the theatre group and took as many acting, directing, makeup and stage classes as I possibly could. After a difficult breakup with fiance' #1, I moved to Boston, gave up acting, and started working in financial services. That profession continued for the next 20 years while I moved from Boston, to Washington, then Oregon and Utah. Writing has always been an important avenue of expression for me and my creative brain. The only professional writing I did during those years was for research and training projects. In 1993, during a 1 1/2 year breakup with fiance' number 3, I started pouring my heart out, attempting to mend some serious pain and disappointment. The characters in my writing started to come alive and redirected my writing to a fiction novel which became The Dawn of Silva.

A few months after I finished my novel, my real life fairy tale came true. After some spiritual and inspirational events and a pastor's powerful prayer asking for a man to come bursting into my life, I met my husband at Sea-Tac airport in the middle of the night. Funny though, he forgot to get my name and number so a couple days later he put an ad in the personals that read, "Sleepless Since Seattle. I left without even getting her name. Please help me find this woman I met at Sea-Tac Airport Tuesday night . . . if you know who she is please have her call Barry in Eugene." So fiance' #3 was out and I married Barry 9 1/2 weeks after our meeting. Shortly after, our love story went out on the associated press and we received 1000's of calls and letters from well wishers - the National Enquirer published our actual phone number. While lots of folks were happy for us, there were many who thought we couldn't last - that love at first sight doesn't exist. Last October we celebrated our 17 year anniversary and our love continues to grow stronger each day. I want to share our story because it's a feel good story and I think we can use more of them.

When did you first start writing?

My Mom was a believer that you say what you mean and don't say anything you can't take back. So whenever I would get hurt or upset about something she would have me write it down and if it was really painful, I would burn it and watch the smoke rise. I would visualize the anger dissipating so it couldn't hurt anyone. When I was about 7 or 8 I started writing poetry and songs, but I was very shy. Whenever someone would hear me sing or see one of my poems, I would get embarrassed and stop writing. It took me years to get over my fear of an audience. Like so many others, it took the most embarrassing speech to get it through my head that I could never top that feeling again.


Tell us about The Dawn of Silva. How did you come up with the story?

Well, it was so long ago, like I said earlier, I wrote this in 1993-94. I remembered deciding to buy a computer so that I could start writing. I never thought it would become anything. But after reading some passages to my mother and getting her feedback, I kept going and let the characters create. I remember thinking that if I was as strong as I wanted to be, like my grandmother, my aunt, and my mother, I wouldn't be sitting at a computer healing my pain. I would find a cabin in the woods and take all my critters with me and create the most beautiful place I could think of and make my dreams happen. After I had the first chapters done and at my mother's encouragement, I sent it to several agents in New York. One said they wanted it, so I finished it and sent it off. But it came back in the mail several weeks later 'undeliverable'.


Tell us about your upcoming projects.

The Silva series will be at least 3 novels. I started the second in 1994 after I thought the first was going to be published. Once the series is finished or maybe before, I will write 'Sleepless Since Seattle' which will be based on true events. I also write childrens' books under a different pen name. I didn't want a mom or dad to get confused and buy a steamy love story for a child. My grandfather was a published author and has about 6 or 7 books that I would like to publish, so I will also be working on those.


Where can we buy your book?
Currently it is available online at amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com & xlibris.com.

Friday, November 25, 2011

I'm Thinkin' Books for Christmas!

Here are a couple of neat little books by a couple of
awesome people. One is an amazing friend, the other, my amazing daughter:-)
So if you are needing gift ideas for friends who love books, then both of these are available to order on Amazon. And I promise you will enjoy them!

Book: Me, Myself and God - Volume 1
Author: M. L. Walling

About the Book
A collection of short personal family stories that reflect the love of my mother and father for each other, their children and those around them. And how through their example, they influenced the decisions and choices others would make in their lives. Amazon.com

Book: Bailey's Book of Randomness
Author: Bailey Adams

About the Book

If you have ever wanted to get inside a teenager’s brain and see how it works, here you go!
Welcome to Bailey’s World of randOmnEss! Amazon.com

And as always, in you are in the mood for romance, swing by my website or visit my Amazon page and check out my books!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Heroines Behind the Voices In My Head

Today I'm excited to introduce the heroine of my new contemporary romance, That Kind of Love - A Legacy Novelette! This novelette is the first in a series of Legacy novelettes introducing a new generation of the St. John family from The Legacy. I had not planned to do a sequel to The Legacy, but after hearing from so many fans asking if there would be anymore Legacy books, this story came to me. I'm ecstatic to share it! That Kind of Love is available to order in Kindle format on Amazon.com or PDF format on JewelAdams.com.

Heroine: Evangeline Patton
Book: That Kind of Love - A Legacy Novelette
About the book

Strong and fiercely independent, Evangeline Patton has never experienced love in any shape or form–not from her parents, or a man. She has overcome some major obstacles in her life, but at twenty-five she is still alone. All of that changes when Adagio St. John the third walks off a plane from Italy and into her life.

Evangeline and Adagio are both looking for love, but can she trust her heart to someone she will never see? And can he look past her blindness and see into her heart?

Excerpt

Salt Lake City, Utah

Andrew is dead.

And the sigh that escapes me is one of relief and gratitude. My blind eyes can make out the shadows of medical personnel moving around the hospital room, but I can't see Andrew's still features. I don't need to. There is a new silence in the room–the absence of irregular shallow breathing–for the next few moments. Then the soft sobs of his mother and mine dispel that silence.

With Andrew's death from undetected heart disease comes my freedom. The pressure of my parents to marry him has vanished and I feel as if a great weight has lifted, brightening my world like the sun coming out after a long, murky year of rain. I don't mean to be cold, but I've never loved Andrew. I've never even liked him. Nevertheless, my parents have been relentless in their desire to merge our family with Andrew Tanner's, to strategically combine two financial empires.

Andrew had been willing to put his own happiness aside, as well as mine, and go along for the ride. Had everything gone through, I would soon be trapped in a gilded prison I couldn't see, and would likely have died in. That death would have been a slow one, stealing my strength and my spirit a little each day until all of the things that have made me me disappeared, leaving an empty shell, my armor weakened, emotionally scarred and battered. Just like our parents, with Andrew, it had been all about the money. Love had nothing to do with it because, hey, let's face it. Who needs love?

I do,” I had told him. And he'd laughed. He actually laughed! It was never about our wants or desires. It was about our parents pimping us out to insure that the two companies went to bed together as soon as possible. “After all,” Andrew had said, “the end justifies the means. Blind, deaf or lame, it makes no difference to me.”

I offer my condolences to the Tanners, and then extend my cane and turn to leave. I imagine the mouths of the men silently opening and closing like fish lying on a shore in need of water, and the women shooting invisible fire darts with their eyes. Later on, I am sure my parents will dutifully harp about my cold and heartless exit, hoping to guilt me into showing the influential world the face of a grieving and heart-broken fiancee. But the days of me feeling guilty are long gone. If anything, I feel sympathy for the Tanner's loss. Andrew was their only son–their Golden Boy–the child they based their hopes and dreams on. His sisters are a different matter. Other than marrying rich men and breeding more sons to work in the family business, their two daughters are treated as if they are of no consequence. And since I'm an only child, my parents' dreams and ambitions for me are shot . . . unless a new financial opportunity emerges, an opportunity that will drive them to once again attempt to prostitute me for their gain. Of course, it figures since I'm not the daughter of their blood. I was adopted by them during one of their philanthropic trips down south. Boy, did they ever rack up brownie points for adopting a token black baby, and a blind one at that!

Will I always be worth so little to them?

However, I have been given a healthy dose of strength, and I will no longer let my parents–Mr. and Mrs. What Can You Do For Me Patton–run my life. Thanks to the good Lord, I am in charge now, and I am open and ready to receive the kind of love, and the kind of life, He has in store for me. In God's eyes I am worth more. I don't know how much more, but definitely more than the value my parents place on my existence.

The trust fund I inherited four years ago on my twenty-first birthday has given me the financial freedom to live on my own in a downtown high-rise condominium that I own outright. And the money I earn giving violin and cello lessons takes care of my needs. I guess you could say I have it all.

Yes, you could say that . . . but you would be wrong. Until now, the thing I have desired most–what I have needed most–has eluded me.

I smile, sensing a coming change. A change bringing a life that has always been mine. A change I have been prepared for, and one I am now ready to receive.

I hope you will love this story as much as I do. Wait, what am I saying? Of course you will!

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Heroines Behind the Voices In My Head

Thought for Today

"If a woman can only succeed by emulating men, I think it is a great loss and not a success. The aim is not only for a woman to succeed, but to keep her womanhood and let her womanhood influence society." - Suzanne Brogger

Heroine of the Week


Name: Cisely
Book: The Legacy

In my twenty-two years of life, I have seen and suffered things no one should have to. Having been raised by an alcoholic mother and an abusive father, childhood had been nothing but miserable for me.

From the age of six to twelve years old, when other children were laughing and playing and sharing secrets with their friends, I was a woman-child, barely surviving and telling my secrets to no one. In the afternoons after school when I should have been busy at the business of being a child, I was subjected to the screams of my mother as my father beat her. And at night while other children were safely tucked in their beds and sleeping, I was forced to endure the sickening presence of my father in my room as he abused and defiled me.

One day my mother finally found the courage to leave her husband. She packed our things while he was at work and we moved from Charlotte back to her hometown of Asheville. Unfortunately, it was too little, too late, for my life had been permanently scarred. And it didn’t help that every man who came into our home and lived with my mother seemed to think I should be part of the deal.

Throughout my whole life I felt dirty and cheap, but more than anything, I felt alone. There was no one I could turn to and share my painful burdens. Later in life, that loneliness guided me to make decisions that only added to my misery and brought even more shame upon me.

A single tear slips down my cheek as I painfully remember the days and nights of endless partying, each one filled with drugs, alcohol, and sometimes immoral conduct. When I was younger, my father made it his solemn duty to tell me repeatedly that I was worthless and only good for one thing in life. It seemed his comments found a permanent place in both my mind and my heart. My father had foreseen my future and had helped as much as he could to make that future happen. But I know in the end, the choices had been my own, just as the choice to finally change my life had been.

I smile, melancholy coming over me as I remember the day I made the decision to abandon the self-destructive lifestyle. It was a little over a year ago. I had just gotten home from work. I was tired, my feet were sore after working all day waiting on table after table, and I was looking forward to a tall can of beer and some rest. I had just sat down when there was a knock at the door.

When I opened the door to the braid-wearing teenage girl donning heavy makeup, a dirty mini skirt, and scuffed up high heels–one of them broken, my first words were, “Sorry, no customers at this house.”

She gave me a teary smile and replied, “I'm not looking for a customer . . . I'm looking for a way out.”

Tears slip down my cheeks as I remember how my heart had instantly gone out to her. I knew the life she'd lived and what she'd suffered before reaching this point in her life. I didn't know her, had never seen her before, but I knew, because I had been there, myself. I invited her in and listened as she talked, my suspicions about her abusive childhood confirmed. I fed her and gave her some clothes to change into. Taking the tips I'd made that day from my purse, I called a cab, took her to the bus station, and put her on a bus to Raleigh to go and live with her aunt. Arriving back home, I sat on the sofa, closed my eyes and cried. Nothing I'd ever done in my life left me feeling as much peace as that one act had.

I immediately threw away every bit of alcohol in the apartment, vowing to never take another drink, pop another pill, or smoke another joint for the rest of my life. I stopped partying and made a commitment to change my life.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Getting to Know Sara Fitzgerald

I had the privilege of reading Sara Fitzgerald's new YA paranormal romance Darkness Within, and I really enjoyed the story. It has the two favorite things: A hot vampire and romance. You can't go wrong with that!

About the Book
Samantha Van Skyhawk's, life is in terrible danger—and her unlife may just be beginning. Samantha’s dad is a vampire and soon, she too will change. She flees with her mom and brother to Shadow Falls to find the spell to kill the vampire blood flowing through her veins. When Samantha encounters Brent, a human with the most bewitching smile, things get complicated. She doesn’t have time for a romance, not with the daunting task of defeating a vampire who has been around for centuries. Then Samantha meets Drake, a totally hot vampire, who claims she belongs with him and the darkness within her completely agrees. She must fight her incredible urge to be with Drake and the yearning within her soul to become what she fears most. Will she save herself and those she loves or will she embrace the night forever?

Sara was kind enough to speak with me about herself and her book.

Sara, tell us a little about yourself.


I have been married for almost 20 years to a wonderful, kind man who has always supported my dream of writing. He even bought me my first computer and second writing course. I have a little girl who I adore. I love writing. Darkness Within is my fifth book. I have four other books published with Champagne Books. I love reading. I also love going to the movies and shopping.


When did you start writing?


I guess I stared writing in the fourth grade. I wrote a poem and my teacher hung it on the wall. That made me feel really really cool. I belonged to literary club at my high school and signed up and took a writing course through Writer Digest School. I wrote my first historical romance novel at age nineteen which will never see the light of day. It took several years to get my second novel published.


How did you come up with the story for Darkness Within?


I came up with the story of Darkness Within because my husband and I have always loved vampires. I thought it was a fun and unique idea. I also like the concept that people can change and choose their own fates.


How long did it take you to write it?


I have a little daughter with autism so I wrote it during the time she was being treated, so it did take about three years to write it and edited.


Do you have any other books available? Any upcoming projects?


I have four books out with Champagne. All four are sweet romance novels. I am working on the sequel to Darkness Within.


Where can we get your book?


You can purchase my book at champagnebooks.com and Amazon.`


Sara, thanks for taking the time to talk with us:-)


Thank you so much, Jewel, for having me as a guest. It has been a pleasure.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Elizabeth Mueller's New Paranormal Romance

The beautiful and talented Elizabeth Mueller's new young adult paranormal romance Darkspell is now available to order on Amazon.com!

About the Book
Winter Sky believes she is everything ordinary ... until she is kissed by Alex Stormhold. As seer of Stormhold Coven, Alex is sworn to be Winter's protector against the darkness that hunts her. Violently thrust into a magical realm she always thought impossible, she stumbles upon a disturbing secret of her own. Will love prove thicker than magic? Included in this volume are author-created illustrations that bestselling author Ellen C. Maze calls a mind blowing treat. Darkspell is classified as a Young Adult Paranormal Romance that will appeal beyond the genre.

About the Author
Elizabeth Mueller knew that books couldn’t bite, but even though she never admitted, she was scared of them. What she didn’t know, ironically, was that she was building her way toward a career in books. She started writing poetry when she was 9, and stories when she was 11 that make her laugh now. It wasn’t until her creative writing teacher in 12th grade made her realize there was more to writing than life. That’s when she fell in love with books. She hasn’t stopped since, feverishly working to perfect the craft late into the night. She lives with her husband, four kids, a wolfdog, and two cats. Darkspell is her first novel. You can find her at elizabethmueller.blogspot.com or AuthorElizabethMueller.com, and email her at elizabeth.mueller.author@gmail.com

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Heroines Behind the Voices In My Head

Thought for the Day

"You have the ability to do and be anything you desire if you put your mind to it."
Melissa Perry Moraja


I've been asked many times how I come up with stories for my books. My answer is never the same because each heroine I come up with kind of writes her own story. Most have some of my attributes, or in the case of The Legacy, a lot of them, because I draw upon experiences in my life- not all but some. And there has definitely been much in my life to draw upon. Because my past was devoid of fluff, my stories have enough fluff (meaningful fluff) to fill a pillow. I'm all about the fluff, and that's the way my fans like it:-)
So over the next few weeks, I will be featuring a few of the heroines of some of my stories, sharing excerpts to help you get to know them better. And since most of my books are written in first person, you are actually getting inside the head of each woman.

Heroine: Raine
Book: Against the Odds
Excerpt:

Atlanta, GA

I was angry. No, correction, I was livid! But more than anything, I was just plain tired.

Sign them,” I said, tossing the folded divorce papers on the desk.

When Jerome looked up at me, I saw a mixture of incredulity, arrogance, and even a little sorrow play across his features. He stood and came around the desk.

Raine,” he said, drawing out my name in the whiny way that had grown to be completely annoying a long time ago. “Come on, girl. You don't want to do this.”

I knew that same old tired line was coming, but it still amazed me that he was continuing to hang on, even when there was absolutely nothing left to hang on to. I stood silently for a moment, allowing my eyes to roam from his expensive Italian loafers, up his dark gray double-breasted three-piece suit, crisp white shirt and silk tie, finally resting my gaze on what I once thought was a handsome face.

I took in his smooth, dark skin and immaculately trimmed hair. Not able to help it, my thoughts went back to a time when I thought he was the most amazing black man in the world. I was eighteen, fresh out of high school, young and naive. He was smooth, he was sharp, and he was sexy.

None of these things should have been the basis for marriage, but sadly, for me they were. Oh, I knew it had been more lust than love. Still, when Jerome proposed to me over seven years ago during a candle-lit dinner in his Peachtree Towers office, I had accepted. I had been mesmerized by his money, his power, and his position, which he used to help me get into Zuri, one of the top modeling agencies in Atlanta. Everything seemed right with the world when I was with him. And he was pleased to have me adorning his arm at the many social functions we attended.

Through the years I grew to care about him very deeply. I thought I might even love him. Then came Jerome's first indiscretion, which as it turned out, was the beginning of the end for me. I forgave him for that act of infidelity. I even forgave him for the second one that occurred a year later. But this latest one . . . Shuniqua, this hoochie of a home-wrecker who I had even entertained at our backyard parties on several occasions, was more than I could stomach. I was tired of forgiving and forgetting. The forgiving fountain had run completely dry. I mean, good grief, we haven't even slept in the same bed in over six months because of his decision to seek intimacy elsewhere. Our sham of a marriage should have ended a long time ago. I had tried to end it, but Jerome kept holding on. Why, I didn't know. He sure made me feel worthless enough. All I seem to be good for now was decoration. In another few years my looks would begin to fade. Then what? I would most likely wait to be tossed aside like a worn pair of jeans that had seen better days. In some ways I felt like that now, worn and weary. He had used up the best of me, and I didn't know if there was much of me left to ever give to anyone else, or if I could even allow that to happen.

Pulling my mind forward, I sighed and tried to rid myself of the depressing thoughts. “You know what, Jerome? I do want to do this.” I tapped my manicured nails on the desk next to a framed photo of the two of us. It had been taken last year during a Caribbean vacation Jerome took me on to make up for his previous act of infidelity. To anyone who looked at the photo we looked like the perfect couple, so in love and so into each other. It was very deceiving. Our whole marriage had been a lie.

Just sign the papers.”

And Raine is just getting started!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Thought for Today

“The secret to having it all is believing that you do.”

Author unknown

It's all in the attitude:-)


Suggested Reading

Book: The Outer Edge of Heaven

Author: Jaclyn M. Hawkes

About the book

Montana truly is heavenly. Especially those handsome cowboys.
Filled with colorful characters of all shapes, sizes and species, including an orphaned baby pig, most of the Langston family put the fun in dysfunctional, give or take a couple of black sheep. There's one in every family, isn't there? Add to that glorious scenery, a horse of her own, and one extremely attractive cousin rancher, Luke Lanston, and it makes for a summer Charlie will never forget. Which might not be a good thing. She has the time of her life, but her heart may never recover.

Charlie graduated from college and planned to go to law school in Fall. Her mother has planned out Charlie's life and wants to set her up with a divorce attorney. Instead of going home, Charlie decides to go with her best friend to work on a ranch in Montana. She meets her friend's handsome cousin Luke Langston. Charlie falls for Luke, but he is already engaged to someone else. Then she has to fight off advances from Luke's brother Chase. And there are other dangers at the ranch.

I became a fan of Jaclyn Hawkes when I read her book Journey of Honor. I really like her writing style and she's a great storyteller. If you want a good clean romance, this is a good one.

To learn more about Jaclyn and her books, visit jaclynmhawkes.com. To purchase her books, log onto Amazon.com

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I Will Persevere!

After attending a romance writers conference this week where I sat in on some great workshops and mingled with amazing fellow romance writers, I am freshly motivated to turn out better and better stories, and make J. Adams a household name in the book world.
So, here are a few thoughts on perseverance:-)

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. ~Henry Ward Beecher

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground. ~Author Unknown

Fall seven times, stand up eight. ~Japanese Proverb

Stubbornly persist, and you will find that the limits of your stubbornness go well beyond the stubbornness of your limits. ~Robert Brault

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott, The Spiritual Life

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Getting to Know Junying Kirk

Junying Kirk is the author of The Same Moon, a book I had the privilege of reading. It was a very emotional story and beautifully written. As a reader commented on Amazon, it was like reading someone's diary as she shares her private thoughts and memories.

About the Book
Pearl Zhang was born in Sichuan Province in China, and grew up during the Cultural Revolution. She was raised in a typically Chinese manner, went to school, got a job, got married, and her whole life path was mapped out, or so it seemed. Then she seized the opportunity to study in the United Kingdom – and stayed. How did she adjust to the Western way of life, and what did she have to do to overcome the barriers? Would she find happiness and fulfilment with her English suitor in Scotland, or would her heartache continue? She was in a new world, both foreign and exciting – under the Same Moon.

This book, the first of Junying Kirk’s “Journey to the West” Trilogy, will take you on a journey full of surprises and discoveries, from the East to the West, from the Middle Kingdom to the United Kingdom.

Junying was kind enough to answer some questions about herself and her book.

Me: Junying, tell us about yourself. How did you get into writing?

Junying: I was born at a time when China was in a great deal of political turmoil, as well as economic deprivation. When I started school, it was at the height of the Cultural Revolution, so formal education was often disrupted. However, I had a natural thirst for learning and knowledge, and I particularly enjoyed reading stories and writing compositions, even at a young age. I did excel in Chinese language, and would read whatever I could find, especially fiction, even at the risk of being caught and disciplined.

I was lucky to eventually go to university and English was my major. I can’t explain why exactly but I seemed to love everything associated being English and foreign. I started writing dairies at university and even attempted to write a short story once. The story I penned was about a young girl having a crush towards a boy. Because of the strict rule which forbade any romantic liaison between two sexes, my story never saw the light of the day, but I guess my desire to write was born.

Me: How did you come up with the story for The Same Moon?

Junying: The idea to write a book has been with me for a very long time, but it is hard for me to pinpoint one particular time when I came up with the story. I think coming from a country like China in the East and then having landed in a foreign country like UK came as quite a culture shock for me. In dealing with it, I started a process of self-discovery, as well as a profound learning curve, not just about myself, but also about the world we live in. I wrote a couple of short stories in Chinese which have been published in literary magazines and journals. Then one day I just sat down in front of my PC and started typing away. Having just finished my PhD in Cultural Studies and Education, I did not know if I would have to go back to China or I could stay on. I stayed and started writing the first part of my book, Under Chinese Skies. It was an attempt to record that part of Chinese history, through the eyes of an ordinary young girl. Her story would reflect that of many Chinese people, growing up, falling in love, her futile efforts to fight for her right to choose her love, the expectations of the society, and pressures of everyday life, and so on and so forth. There is some underlying universal truth in her struggle.

Me: How long did it take you to write it?

Junying: The Same Moon has not been an easy book to write, as it covers several decades in Pearl Zhang’s life, as well as a certain amount of deeply upsetting personal experiences and heartaches, set in both China and the UK. On and off, it took me a few years to complete the manuscript, but in terms of solid writing time, it would have been at least a year. I can seriously claim that it is a labour of love.

Me: Are you working on any new projects?

Junying: Before I finished The Same Moon, I actually started and finished another book, Trials of Life, which eventually became the second of my trilogy “Journey to the West”. Right now, I am working on my third and final novel of this trilogy.

I have built my own blogsite a few months ago and I now regularly update it with different writings, like travel logs, book reviews and various aspects of modern life. It is something I really enjoy doing.

My current W.I.P will be slightly different from my first two books, in terms of writing style and storyline. Although there is a central character, Pearl, who is the link in all three, they are all independent of one another, so readers do not have to read all of them or in sequence to enjoy them.

Me: Where can we get your book?

Junying: Currently my books are only in e-form and can be found on Amazon Kindle and Smashwords. Here are the Links to my books: The Same Moon (Book 1 of Trilogy “Journey to the West”)’ and the sequel, Trials of Life. Or go to Amazon UK Kindle, or go to Amazon USA; Both novels are also available on Smashwords.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Getting to Know Regan Walsh

Today I am spotlighting romance author Regan Walsh. I had the opportunity to read her new romance Whisper Cape, and I gotta tell ya, Regan is one talented woman.

About the book
WHISPER CAPE is a town of secrets and Addison MacKenna soon becomes tangled in a web of them. Plagued with nightmares of her father’s sudden and brutal death, Addie struggles with her anguish and refuses to believe his demise was accidental.

Fighting to shake off one of those devastating early morning nightmares, Addison finds it even harder to escape from the vision of a man lying on the side of the road—a man she may have just killed. When she frantically tries to locate him, he seemingly disappears, just the beginning of strange occurrences in her life. She also cannot ignore the weird sensations in her own body. Suddenly, the impossible seems possible, but is that a blessing or a curse?

Believing that her continual and worsening nightmares are both the key to her own new abilities and the clue to her father’s death, Addie knows she will not rest until she has the answers she craves. As she strives to cope with her new remarkable talents, someone else learns of her abilities—a disgruntled maniacal psychopath with his own agenda that involves eliminating Addie. The only one who can protect her, instruct her in the use of her powers and teach her how to destroy the murderous monster is the same man who makes Addie’s heart race and her blood heat with passion. The same man she’d left for dead.
Cael Sheridan may be arrogant and mysterious but he's also undeniably gorgeous. A member of a secret society, he is sworn to protect the woman he believes to be the daughter of his recently murdered mentor. In the process, he finds it impossible to resist her magnetic sensuality, complicating his efforts to shield and guide her as she learns to manage her newly acquired skills. At the same time, Addison has much to teach him about trust and commitment. Fate has brought them together, but will it make them stronger or destroy them both in end?

This book has it it all - romance, mystery, paranormal. The story definitely held my attention and reading it was like watching a movie. Addie and Cael both drove me crazy at times, but I couldn't help but love them. I guess that's the sign of a good story, right? :-)

Regan was kind enough to answer some questions and help us get to know her better.

Me: Regan, tell us about yourself. How did you get into writing?

Regan: Writing is something I’ve always loved. Ten years ago, if someone had told me I could write a book, I’d have laughed and told them they were crazy, but a few years back, my husband and I sold our business and all of a sudden I had a bunch of time on my hands. After spending hours making quilts, I needed something more challenging and mentioned to a friend that I wanted to write a book. Once I said the words out loud, I decided to sit down at my computer and try it.

Me: How did you come up with the story for Whisper Cape?

Regan: To be quite honest, I really don’t know. It all came to me as I was writing. I didn’t start with an outline or anything, and I had no idea where it was headed or how it would end. It is most definitely character driven. Addie and Cael are real to me, and the story really came from them. At the time I wrote Whisper Cape, we lived in an eighty-year-old house that I believe, to this day, was haunted with a very loving and friendly ghost. My computer was set up in the downstairs bedroom, actually, it was more of a finished basement, and as I sat there, day after day, typing, I felt the spirit around me, encouraging me.

Me: How long did it take you to write it?

Regan: I started writing WC in September of 2007 and finished the first draft December 15, 2007. I wrote every day, eight or nine hours a day. When I was finished the first draft, I set it aside to enjoy the holidays. I didn’t look at it again until February 1, 2008. I read it from beginning to end and then removed scenes and added different ones. I think I edited it at least four or five times before it was picked up by Augusta-Heritage Press for ebook publication in March 2011, and of course, I had to edit it again.

Me: Are you working on any new projects?

Regan: A couple. I have a young adult novel, Allusive Aftershocks. A story of fear, love, hate, devastation and survival. It’s about a seventeen-year-old girl, Abella and a boy, Courtland, who become trapped in a wine cellar when it caves in on them after a very strong aftershock caused from a devastating major earthquake. I recently finished a complete rewrite and will go through a similar process as I did with WC on editing. I'm looking forward to the final stages of editing. Then, of course, there is the sequel to Whisper Cape, A Whisper at Death.

Me: Where can we get your book?

Regan: Right now it is available at White Beard Books and it will be available at Amazon in Kindle format September 23 and in print October 24, 2011.

Regan, thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and information about Whisper Cape.
To learn more about Regan, visit her website at http://reganwalsh.com

Monday, September 5, 2011

A New Challissian Novelette

So many readers love my romantic fantasy The Wishing Hour and have asked if there would be a sequel. I never planned to write one, but one of the characters who made a very brief appearance in The Wishing Hour begged to have his time on paper, so after three very late nights, he is now having his say.

Guardian of My Heart: A Challissian Novelette is the story of the connection between Gideon, a handsome immortal warrior and his mortal true mate, Cillian. Most of this emotionally-charged short story is told from Cillian's point of view as she shares her innermost thoughts on events that change her entire existence.

So, if you are a fan of The Wishing Hour and have wanted more of the hunky Challissian warriors, you have your wish. And if you are new to the world of the powerful soul's bond that connects true mates from two different worlds, hopefully experiencing these emotions through Cillian's eyes will touch your heart and win you over.
Guardian of My Heart will be available September 9th on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Smashwords.com, and JewelAdams.com. Available in paperback September 30th.

Excerpt from Guardian of My Heart

“Well, well, what do we have here?” The hardened voice causes me to jump, and I drop the flashlight as the large figure appears from nowhere. Matty spins around, coming face to face with the dangerous looking man. “So, having some roadside trouble, are ya? Or maybe a roadside tryst? If so, count me in for a piece of the action.”

Before I can even blink, the man flashes a knife. Since he is blocking the door of the car, I can't get in. Matty shoves me back and I scream when the man takes a swipe at him, but Matty manages to dodge the blade.

“Well, ain't you quick?” he says with amusement in his voice. “Hey, Harvey, this boy don't know who he's dealing with, does he?” A rough laugh fills the air as another man walks up beside Matty's car. He also produces a knife and slashes the tires.

Fear rips through my insides. Turning his head, Matty anxiously looks into my eyes and mouths “run” just as the man shoves the blade into his chest. In frozen horror, I watch his body fall to the wet road. As soon as the man's eyes move to me, I take off running through the trees.

Running blind in the vast wet darkness, the prayer forming on my lips is an endless chant–a chant for my safety, and for Matty's well-being. He just can't be dead, and if he is, I will never get over the loss because it would be my fault for leaving the studio like I did. I continue to run, somehow managing to dodge the trees. As the footsteps draw closer, visions of my mortality play before me on the movie screen that is my mind. The final vision of a beautiful blond god burns itself in my mind's eye, and the sound of his familiar voice saying, “I am here, beloved,” brands a place in my heart, just as the pain of the blade cuts the said organ in two.

Then I hear no more.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Say What You Need to Say

"It is folly of our species that we reserve the greatest bouquets for our dead."
Richard Paul Evans

My thoughts:
* Make the most of every day with those we love.
* Don't ever put off showing family and friends how we feel about them.
* Forgive as often as we need to (which will be always.)
* Say what you need to say. Don't wait to say "I love you," because we never know when it might be the last time we will have the chance.

Suggested Reading

Book: The Key of Kilenya
Author: Andrea Pearson

The Book:
When two vicious wolves chase fourteen-year-old Jacob Clark down a path from our world into another, his life is forever changed. He has no idea they have been sent by the Lorkon—evil, immortal beings who are jealous of powers he doesn’t know he possesses—powers they desire to control. The inhabitants of the new world desperately need Jacob's help in recovering a magical key that was stolen by the Lorkon and is somehow linked to him. If he helps them, his life will be at risk. But if he chooses not to help them, both our world and theirs will be in danger. The Lorkon will stop at nothing to unleash the power of the key—and Jacob's special abilities.

This was a very fun read with plenty of action to keep the story moving. I love the world the author created and the storyline never gets dull. This is the beginning a series that is sure to be great:-) Both youths and adults will enjoy The Key of Kilenya.
To learn more about Andrea and her books, stop by her blog at kilenyaseries@blogspot.com

Monday, August 15, 2011

My Best Friend - I Think I'll Keep Him

"If the heavens were to open and a host of Angels descend, they could not have produced such an effect on my soul as MaryAnn descending the chapel staircase for our wedding." Richard Paul Evans - Timepiece

I really have no reason for choosing this quote other than I just love it, because I love romance!
Last week my husband and I celebrated our twenty-second wedding anniversary. While many women have to light a fire under their husband when it comes to anniversary plans, I've been privileged to be married to a man that plans every detail of ours. He never tells me what we are doing until the week of our anniversary, and I am pleasantly surprised every time. I've never known a more romantic guy. A lot of people ask me why I write romance novels. Well . . . there you have it! I'm a romantic because of him, and when I write romance novels, the hero always has his attributes- they are just younger, a bit more muscular, and have a lot more hair:-)

There are so many people in the world who search for that perfect soul-mate, when in fact, there is no such thing, and if that is what we look for when seeking a mate, we will be disappointed every time. But when a heart is open enough for fate to do its job, we are be blessed with something even better.

I am not perfect and neither is my husband, but he is perfect for me in every way. There were no shooting stars or fireworks the first time my husband kissed me, but there was a warm, familiar feeling that felt like home. Our life together has not been smooth sailing with no trials, but there isn't another person I would rather face those trials with. Our relationship isn't accented by chocolate and roses everyday, but it has been strengthened by children and the joys and sorrows that come with them. Our days are not completely carefree and unhindered by worries, but each obstacle overcome together and each stone requiring stepping over have brought with them lessons so great, they have made us scholars in a college course of love and relationship that was tailor-made just for us. And I could not imagine sharing the laughter and tears those lessons produce with anyone but him, because he truly is my best friend. When a person makes you a better just by connecting their life to yours, there is truly no greater title.

Suggested Reading

Book: The Companion of Lady Holmeshire
Author: Debra Brown
About the book
A baby girl was found in a basket on Squire Carrington's doorstep. She was raised and sent to work as a servant girl for The Countess of Holmeshire. The widowed and unconventional Countess chose Miss Emma Carrington as a companion and sent her off for finishing with the goal of dragging her along into genteel Victorian society. What sort of reception would she have at tea and dinners?
The young Earl of Holmeshire was engaged by arrangement to a lovely London lady, but their relationship was difficult. Could they work it out? Even the tribulations and banned romances of the servants downstairs play into the story as we follow Emma from a stone fortress to a Victorian village and then into fabulous London mansions. Great surprises unfold at a Midsummer Night's Dream Ball which help to solve mysteries that have gradually developed. You are invited to predict the great revelation of the last few pages!


I don't read a lot of historical romance, but I have enjoyed the few I've read. There is something educational about the period language and I feel a little smarter reading it:-) I can now add The Companion of Lady Holmeshire to the list of good historical reads. The author's description of the Victorian era is wonderful and makes you feel like you are there as you get involved in the story. I loved the characters, and I felt the emotion of Emma throughout her journey and was a cheerleader for her to the very end.
Ahhh, I love novels that leave you with warm fuzzies:-)
Get your copy of The Companion of Lady Holmeshire by logging onto Amazon.com. To learn more about Debra Brown, log onto Worldcastlepublishing.com

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Looking Inside Ourselves

"There are those who, in the same breath, pray for the poor and for the blessing of never encountering them." Richard Paul Evans

How many times have we heard someone say, "If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know," only to find that when we actually need the help, the offer wasn't a sincere one? How many times have we said to someone, "If I can help, let me know," only to renege on the offer when it is actually needed?
One of my favorite songs is Find Out Who Your Friends Are by Tracy Lawrence. Because the words of the song are so true. Only when we are in need do we truly find out whose offers are sincere and whose aren't. And only when we recognize the need of someone else do we find out what we are really made of. Will we sincerely offer of ourselves or will we turn a blind eye and wish the dilemma away, hoping it will fix itself without our help? And I don't mean financial (all though if that is your way of helping someone, then that is your choice) I mean being there emotionally, lending a listening ear, being a support, lightening someone's burden.

Man is that he might have joy. What could bring us greater joy than helping others along the way? It's all part of the experience. It's how we learn and grow. None of us can make it through this life alone, and each of us will be touched by the deeds of others along the journey. Why not do what we can to make the path smoother for one another? If we will only do this, it will make reaching our intended destination that much more sublime. With a goal like that in our sights, how could we not have joy? Think about it:-)

Suggested Reading

Book: Matched
Author: Ally Condie

About the Book
Cassia has always trusted the Society to make the right choices for her: what to read, what to watch, what to believe. So when Xander's face appears on-screen at her Matching ceremony, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is her ideal mate . . . until she sees Ky Markham's face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black.

The Society tells her it's a glitch, a rare malfunction, and that she should focus on the happy life she's destined to lead with Xander. But Cassia can't stop thinking about Ky, and as they slowly fall in love, Cassia begins to doubt the Society's infallibility and is faced with an impossible choice: between Xander and Ky, between the only life she's known and a path that no one else has dared to follow.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Living In the Present

Evans Quote of the Day

"It has been a mistake living my life in the past. One cannot ride a horse backwards and still hold its reins."

Revisiting the past is sometimes a good thing, but only if are able to let go of it just as easily. How many times have we made mistakes and poor choices, and, instead of internalizing the lessons learned and moving on, we relive those mistakes over and over again? How many times have we remember good moments and tried to hold onto them for dear life instead of treasuring those memories and allowing ourselves to progress and make more of those moments? Most of us have done one or the other.

My motto has always been, "You get out of life what you put into it." No matter what happened in the past, each new day presents us a with clean slate, and it is up to us to decide what will be written on ours. We should remember that though God holds the eraser and makes use of that eraser every day, we need to draw something memorable and beautiful-something we want permanently etched into that canvas, and save Him the task of erasing. Because after a while the canvas can grow thin in some spots, and the old paint sometimes mixes in with the new, causing the colors that once shone so vivid and pure, to taint each picture thereafter.

It took a lot of years for me to train myself to leave the past in the past where it belongs. I have no desire to forget my past, and no desire to relive it. It is tucked away in my mental suitcase, only making an appearance when a refresher course on a past lesson is needed for life's unexpected pop quizzes.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Becoming Fearless - The Possibilities Are Endless!

"The greatest shackles we bear in this life are those forged by our own fears."
Richard Paul Evans - The Looking Glass

When I first started writing, I experienced various emotions-excitement, euphoria over actually finishing a book, and pride.
But I also felt fear.
I worried about how my book would be received. Will people like it? Will they think I am a good writer, or will my work be perceived as amateurish? Will readers be happy they bought the book or will they wish they could get their money back? Will other authors read my book and shake their heads at my inexperience? Do my grandmother and mother-in-law really like it and think my work is good or are they only biased?
So many of these questions fed my fear of failing and held me back. I mean, I definitely wasn't the greatest writer in the world and I'm still not, nor I will never be, but that fear still garnered a space inside me and kept me from growing as a writer. It wasn't until I let that emotion go and became fearless that I truly began to develop my own voice in the world of the written word.

Each of us has a talent, one that, given the time and the desire to persevere, can take us as far as we want to go. But only if we hold onto the goal and let go of the fear of failing. Being fearless isn't just a state of mind, it's a state of being, and when we finally reach that place in ourselves where we truly understand our potential, nothing can stop us or hinder our way.
Life is a journey, and if we keep fear from blocking the path or deterring the way, eventually we will reach our destination.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Quotable Evans

One of my favorite authors is Richard Paul Evans. Each time I read one of his books, I come away feeling uplifted, as well as inspired by the stories.
The Quotable Evans is a little book containing diaries and letters from his novels. The quotes are thought-provoking and teach some wonderful lessons.
For the next while, I will be sharing some of those quotes with you, and I hope these thoughts will inspire you as much as they have me.

Evans Quote of the Day

"There are those whose primary ambition in life is to leave their names chiseled on some small corner of this globe. But this is folly. The greatest tragedy is not to die unknown by strangers, but unloved by our companions."

We place importance on so many things in life, and sometimes we lose sight of what is really important. All of us, in one respect or another do want to leave our mark on the world, something that will insure we will not be forgotten. But in our quest for this, we need to remember that being remembered as a great person is better than being remembered as someone who did something great. The latter will insure your mark and celebrate that one great deed, but the former will engrave the memory of your life in the hearts of everyone you come in contact with and every life you touch.
Now that is what I call leaving your mark on the world:-)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

What Kind of Legacy Will You Leave?

One of the reasons I wrote The Legacy was because I wanted to share the message that we can overcome anything, no matter our background or situation. If we truly want to make a difference in this world and want to live a great life, nothing can stop us from doing this when we make the choice to do it.

Nothing, that is . . . except ourselves.

People often ask me if any of the characters in my books are me. Truthfully, I put a little of myself in each female lead character I create, but they are actually a lot better than me. Of all the female characters I've written about, the one I put the most of myself into is Cisely in The Legacy. I can relate to her because I've been where she once was. I endured some of the same pains, suffered some of the same sorrows, and felt the same joy of breaking free and changing the course of my life.
And, like Cisely, I finally came to a point when I was able to look back on those refining experiences with gratitude for the lessons learned.
This is the legacy I want to leave in this life - to be tried, and tried again, then endure and conquer, not just for myself, but for my family and anyone I am blessed to come in contact with in this life. I'm far from being a saint and I know I will never reach perfection, but I love the person I am now and the life I've been given, and I know it is up to me to choose how I will live it out.

So, what kind of legacy will you leave?
Leave a comment sharing your thoughts and receive a free copy of The Legacy ebook. There are three ways to claim your copy.
1.) Leave your email address along with your comment.
2.) Leave a comment, then email me at jewela40@gmail.com informing me that you left a comment.
3.) Leave a comment, then log onto Facebook and send me a message.
It's that simple:-)

Here is an excerpt form The Legacy.

Having stuffed my last pair of jeans into a large suitcase, I zip it shut and hope the seams won’t burst. It was given to me by a friend because I've never had one of my own. I've never traveled anywhere before to need one, and until now, I hadn't ever thought I would. I fill the carry-on bag with the few cosmetics and toiletries I possess. Then I look at my reflection in the large mirror hanging above an old, cracked dresser that until today, held all of my clothes. I think it has to be the oldest piece of furniture in the apartment.

I study the light, cocoa-brown skinned woman looking back at me and smile, but my honey-colored eyes hold a sadness I have never been able to rid them of. I have always been told by friends that I have sad eyes. I know it is true, yet most people don’t know of the pain behind my eyes. I have never let anyone get close enough, and I don’t know if I ever will.

I run a brush through the dark auburn hair hanging down past my shoulders and push it back with a brown headband. I think about adding a few curls but decide against it. After straightening the collar of the yellow blouse I purchased for this trip, I apply some clear gloss to my full lips, a coat of mascara to my lashes, and a touch of blush to my sculpted cheeks. Then I study my reflection once more and decide this is as good as it's going to get.

I have always considered myself an average looking black woman, and I just don't see what others say they see when they looked at me. I have been told by the people around me that I am beautiful. They say my skin is satiny smooth, my voluptuous figure very trim, and my voice is like silk to the ears. Truthfully, I have never seen any of these things and I can't help but wonder how and why others see them. I ponder this a moment and deduct that my mind has somehow been trained to think there isn’t anything about me that is worth much, and no matter how hard I try to tell myself otherwise, all I ever see are flaws.

Sighing, I sit on the edge of the bed and look around the almost bare studio apartment I've lived in for the past year and a half. I become even sadder as I think about my life up to this point, and I am once again doubting my worth.

In my twenty-two years of life, I have seen and suffered things no one should have to. Having been raised by an alcoholic mother and an abusive father, childhood had been nothing but miserable for me. From the age of six to twelve years old, when other children were laughing and playing and sharing secrets with their friends, I was a woman-child, barely surviving and telling my secrets to no one. In the afternoons after school when I should have been busy at the business of being a child, I was subjected to the screams of my mother as my father beat her. And at night while other children were safely tucked in their beds and sleeping, I was forced to endure the sickening presence of my father in my room as he abused and defiled me.

One day my mother finally found the courage to leave her husband. She packed our things while he was at work and we moved from Charlotte back to her hometown of Asheville. Unfortunately, it was too little, too late, for my life had been permanently scarred. And it didn’t help that every man who came into our home and lived with my mother seemed to think I should be part of the deal.

Throughout my whole life I felt dirty and cheap, but more than anything, I felt alone. There was no one I could turn to and share my painful burdens. Later in life, that loneliness guided me to make decisions that only added to my misery and brought even more shame upon me.

A single tear slips down my cheek as I painfully remember the days and nights of endless partying, each one filled with drugs, alcohol, and sometimes immoral conduct. When I was younger, my father made it his solemn duty to tell me repeatedly that I was worthless and only good for one thing in life. It seemed his comments found a permanent place in both my mind and my heart. My father had foreseen my future and had helped as much as he could to make that future happen. But I know in the end, the choices had been my own, just as the choice to finally change my life had been.

I smile, melancholy coming over me as I remember the day I made the decision to abandon the self-destructive lifestyle. It was a little over a year ago. I had just gotten home from work. I was tired, my feet were sore after working all day waiting on table after table, and I was looking forward to a tall can of beer and some rest. I had just sat down when there was a knock at the door.

When I opened the door to the braid-wearing teenage girl donning heavy makeup, a dirty mini skirt, and scuffed up high heels–one of them broken, my first words were, “Sorry, no customers at this house.”

She gave me a teary smile and replied, “I'm not looking for a customer . . . I'm looking for a way out.”

Tears slip down my cheeks as I remember how my heart had instantly gone out to her. I knew the life she'd lived and what she'd suffered before reaching this point in her life. I didn't know her, had never seen her before, but I knew, because I had been there, myself. I invited her in and listened as she talked, my suspicions about her abusive childhood confirmed. I fed her and gave her some clothes to change into. Taking the tips I'd made that day from my purse, I called a cab, took her to the bus station, and put her on a bus to Raleigh to go and live with her aunt. Arriving back home, I sat on the sofa, closed my eyes and cried. Nothing I'd ever done in my life left me feeling as much peace as that one act had.

I immediately threw away every bit of alcohol in the apartment, vowing to never take another drink, pop another pill, or smoke another joint for the rest of my life. I stopped partying and made a commitment to change my life. I was determined to do this, despite family members and friends telling me I would never change. Sadly, I had no support from anyone except the counselor assigned to me when I enrolled in a free substance abuse program. No one in my family, nor the people I associated with, would let go of the past. So how was I supposed to? I couldn’t escape it because it surrounded me and was constantly being thrown back in my face.

Even now, I still struggle with doubts. I've listened to several motivational talks on learning to forgive oneself, letting go of past mistakes and moving on, but the messages never seem to stick, and in my heart I continue to feel unworthy, too unworthy to deserve more in life. We reap what we sow, as they say. I haven't sown enough good.

Bringing my thoughts back to the present, I open my purse and pull out a letter I received in the mail three weeks ago. It is from an older woman I met a couple of months ago when she was visiting from Salt Lake City.

I met Jessica Kelly at a women's motivational conference downtown. We sat next to each other and were instantly taken with one another. At the close of the conference, Jessica told me she wanted to get to know me better.

We had lunch together the next day. And throughout that week when I wasn’t working, I spent a great deal of time with her and we did many things together.

Jessica managed to get me to open up a little about my life, which was something I had never done before. I don't know how she managed it. Though I didn’t give many details, the little I shared with her brought the poor woman to tears. I hated making her cry, but I appreciated that she cared.

In that week I grew to care about Jessica a great deal, and I wished my own mother could be more like her. I thought it sad that in just one week I developed more of a relationship with the older woman than my own mother.

Jessica told me she had always been alone. She never married and it saddened her that she was never blessed with children of her own. And except for the times her nephew came to visit her from Australia, she wandered through her big home alone with no one to talk to.

Smiling, I read the letter again, still in awe of what is written there. Jessica has invited me to come and stay with her for a while in Salt Lake City. She even sent a plane ticket with the letter, making it harder for me to say no, just as she had known it would. She knows me well. I've never dreamed of going so far away, and to say I am nervous is an understatement. But the excitement of starting over somewhere where no one knows me or anything about my past overrides my nervousness. I again read the last part of the letter.

Now I know you don’t like to feel like you’re not pulling your own weight, so before you say no, I just want to tell you I own a women’s clothing boutique downtown. One of the girls working for me had to quit suddenly. The position is yours if you want it. It is only three days a week, so we would still have plenty of time to visit and sight see, and of course, shop. We’re going to have the time of our lives! It would mean so much to me to have you here, Cisely. More than you could ever know. Call me soon.

Much love,

Jessica.

Hearing the taxi honking outside, I refold the letter and put it back in my purse. I touch up my makeup and place the key to the apartment on the counter for the landlord. Sadly, there are no more goodbyes to be said. My mother really doesn’t seem to care that I'm leaving. Neither does anyone else for that matter, but I have received various opinions on how they think my life will turn out. “You’ll be back,” I remember my so-called friends saying. “You’re going to be right back here partying with the rest of us. You can never escape where you’ve been or who you are.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, doing my best to dislodge the negative thoughts. Looking around the half empty room one last time, I grab my bags and leave.